I Just Wanted To Feel Pretty
I just wanted to feel pretty. Off to the salon I went, picture in hand of haircut desired. Knowing that I couldn’t be that girl in the picture but hoping to at least gain some control over the gray and frizz, still I was seeking to feel like that twenty-something again.
To her credit, the young woman who cut my hair did an amazing job. She did exactly what I asked her to do and did so quite lovingly. But that's the point isn't it? She loved me enough to give me a style that does make me look pretty. But sometimes no hair style in the world is enough to satisfy my need to FEEL pretty. There is a distinct difference, one I clearly need to take to Jesus in prayer.
Fast forward to this morning. I definitely do NOT feel like that twenty-something. After putting on a good front to my family the night before I found myself at 3 am sobbing like a baby. Asking why? I just wanted to look in the mirror and see someone very soft and elegant like the picture, but all I saw was an ugly disaster. Two washes later, still trying to make myself feel pretty, I was more despondent than before. All I wanted to do was call in sick and hide.
Surely there will be lots of comments today, most of which I will swat off like a swarm of bees attacking. None will make me feel better; but that is today. I have asked God for the strength to be cordial, to smile and to hide the pain of disappointment.
Today my hair will grow a little; in a couple months when I look back on this morning I- hopefully - will be able to smile. Till then I will take up the armor of God and know that regardless the haircut I am beautiful in His eyes if not in my own.